the familiar and the unknown

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written anything, and I always have the tendency to write when I’m either bored or traumatized. Because the events that have ensued within the last few weeks have resulted in both extreme boredom and trauma, I decided to do a brain vomit. The ironic thing about all of this is that I have been gradually working on a blog post all about changes since last May, and this definitely has to have been one of the most drastic changes a lot of us will ever experience in our lifetime. So I thought, why not finally post it? But with some adjustments, of course.

One thing to know about me: I’m absolutely terrified of change. I plan everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. And when things don’t follow my plan, I become anxious and tend to hole myself up in my room until the storm passes. Which is exactly what we’re all supposed to be doing right now, but in this case I’m not exactly enjoying it. Once I get into a routine, I do not want to switch out of it, especially when I’m not expecting it. 

This past year has been all about me adjusting my routine, which has been stressful for me mentally, but is ultimately what led me down my path toward happiness and self discovery. Being away at school has done a lot of good for my mental health and gave me a new sense of self confidence and awareness that I’ve never had before. 

I wrote a journal entry style blog post, but decided that wasn’t exactly what I wanted this post to only be. It’s been very gradual and spread out, but I think it still has some potential there. I really started reflecting on my thoughts about change when I moved out of my childhood home last May, ironically, the day after my high school graduation. It was like a rite of passage, a sign that I was going to breakeven and start fresh. But I was so opposed to moving because my house had always been a constant in my life, and I was scared of what my life would be like if it just wasn’t there anymore. Here are my thoughts from the night before the move: